A while ago I did a study on Motherhood and I opened the poll up to my public friends and social media followers.  I asked them to finish this sentence:  “If I could change one thing about my mom it would be….”  As you can imagine, the results were very awakening.  I received hundreds of responses, but I’ve narrowed them down to the ones I received the most repeatedly.   I thought I would share them with you here on the blog.

I am one witness that can testify that motherhood is by far the most daunting challenge a woman will ever face.  There are so many ways to do it right for the wrong reason…and to do it wrong for the right reason.  The best thing we can do is open our hearts to some constructive input that is coming from the hearts of many, that range in age from 16 to 62.

My prayer is that if you find yourself in one of these categories, you will choose positive change over a negative “well that’s just how I am” response.  I personally don’t ever want to give up on becoming better.  I know I still have so much to learn and change and become.  That is exciting to me!!  Let’s grow together.  🙂

Ok…here are the results:

Her outlook on life. More positive. Less negative

Her perception of herself. Too negative.

I wish she knew how strong she really is.

Her lack of attendance in my life.

Her attention is hard to acquire.

She is absent as a companion to me.

She is absent in this relationship.

I wish she wasn’t so assertive in my personal life.

She is not present in my children’s lives.

I hate feeling like I’m bothering her to do something with my kids.

I wish it didn’t feel like she raised her kids…now she’s just done.

I would change her confidence level. More positive. Less negative.

Her susceptibility to stress. She works so hard to please everyone and stresses herself out that she’s not nice to be around.

I wish she wasn’t so very short-tempered and easily annoyed.

I hate that she makes herself unhappy and thinks she’s stuck in her circumstances, when really SHE created them, and only SHE can change them.

I would change the way she shows love.

I would make her less stressed out.

I would change her low self-esteem and lack of confidence because it affects her whole life.

I wish that she would commit to God and follow Christ in all aspects of her life.

I wish that she would have held me more accountable in my teenage years.

I need her to spend more time with me.

Mom works too much and I never get to see her. I would change that.

I wish my mom would have let me experience my childhood. She forced me to live as an adult…caring for siblings, and she made me responsible for helping her get money to pay bills.

I wish my mother wouldn’t have raised me in the fear of not being perfect.

I wish my mom would not have gossiped and talked bad about the pastor in our home all the time. Now we have no relationship with her because now she ridicules and talks bad about us. It is so painful and it has affected every relationship in my life.

I wish she would’ve been more present in my life during my teenage years. She was physically present, but mentally and emotionally absent. She completely checked out and was consumed in her issues. Now we have hardly any relationship at all.

Bottom line is I would make her more confident.

I wish she wasn’t so judgmental all the time.  I’ve never felt like I was good enough in her eyes, no matter how hard I tried.  I find myself feeling that in all areas of my life now.

I’d like to see her less worried about what others think and able to pursue what she really dreams about. Maybe this would take the defensive edge off of her conversations that can be hurtful to others and get in the way of the very things she wants.

 If I could change one thing about my mom it would for her to truly love herself, and to give herself a break.

The one thing I would change about my mom, would be that she wouldn’t say hurtful things to me. She has no idea how damaging it is to my spirit.

I would have changed her view and belief of “shunning” those who left the church. She has grandchildren she never even met because of this.

I wish that she would stop complaining all the time.

I wish that she would’ve made a conscious decision about having me. She never wanted or loved me, and abused me my entire life. I am still trying to recover.

I wish I could be her best friend, and be able to have talks like a best friend.

I wouldn’t change a thing about her.  I would just change the fact that she passed away and now I can’t spend time with her.

I wish I could have felt I mattered more to her.  Now that she’s older, I’m finding it hard to desire a relationship with her because I still carry bitterness of feeling unwanted.

I would change me not going to prayer meetings with her.  I wish I had gone to every one of them and learned how to pray like my mother and my grandmother use to pray.

I wish she could learn to love herself.

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_{“Being a mother is an attitude, not a biological relation.” ~Robert Heinien}

_{“Motherhood:  All love begins and ends there.”  ~Robert Browning}

_{“Every woman who heals herself, helps heal all the women who came before her, and all those who will come after her.” ~C. Northrup}